I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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