I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
