just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
