please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
