I just pynch a tree in the face
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
