so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
