If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
