I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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