just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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