is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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