I need help removing her.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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