Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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