i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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