I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
