when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
