Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
