So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you traded sex for a burrito?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We have started to decorate penises.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
