i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
