and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
