he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
