I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sober January is a disaster.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
