Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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