C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
