this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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