He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
