Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Houston, we have a squirter
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
