You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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