this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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