I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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