Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize