I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
