I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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