What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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