So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
