All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
