I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
