put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
