I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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