I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
