hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
