6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could make wine with my vomit
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
