There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
