Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
