hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
