I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
