I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
