I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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