I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You left your phone here
Wait...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
