ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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