I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
