I wanna passion pit in your ass
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
