her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
