I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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