I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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