last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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