I love black thongs
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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