Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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