when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
