i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
