My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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