they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
